​The Journey Begins Within

The Art of Staying Regulated When a New Connection Gets Real

• Dopamine: Responsible for the euphoria and exhilaration. It creates the "hit" you feel when they text you back.
• Norepinephrine: This mimics the effect of adrenaline, causing the racing heart and "butterflies."
• Serotonin: Interestingly, levels of serotonin often drop during limerence, similar to those with OCD, which explains the intrusive, obsessive thoughts.
  

• Idealizing the person and ignoring "red flags."
• An agonizing need for constant reassurance and validation.
• Feeling like your entire mood and worth depend on their attention.

1. Build Self-Awareness: Recognize that the "high" is biological. This takes the power away from the "object" and puts it back in your hands.
2. Focus on Nervous System Regulation: In my book Whole Again, I discuss how to rewire the nervous system to move away from these addictive loops and return to your sovereign self.
3. Practice Unity Consciousness: When we feel "less than" or separate, we seek a "fix" in another person. By practicing meditations that connect us to the whole, we stop "chasing" and start "becoming" the love we seek.

• How do I want others to perceive me?
• What qualities do I emphasize when meeting new people?
• Are there aspects of myself that I hide or downplay in social situations?

• What qualities in others irritate or provoke a strong reaction in me?
• Are there aspects of myself that I am ashamed of or try to hide?
• Do I project my insecurities onto others?
  

• What qualities do I admire or desire in the opposite sex?
• Are there characteristics that I find particularly attractive or repulsive?
• How do I balance my own masculine and feminine energies?

• What are my core values and beliefs?
• How do I express my true self in my daily life?
• Are there aspects of myself that I have yet to explore or accept?

• Keep a journal to track recurring patterns in your relationships.
• Seek feedback from trusted friends or a therapist.
• Reflect on your past relationships and identify any common themes.

1. Self-Reflection: Spend time reflecting on your Persona, Shadow, Anima/Animus, and Self. Use the questions provided in this article as a guide.
2. Embrace Your Shadow: Accept the parts of yourself that you have denied or repressed. This may involve facing uncomfortable emotions and experiences.
3. Balance Your Energies: Work on harmonizing your masculine and feminine energies. This can involve exploring activities or interests that cultivate these aspects.
4. Seek Support: Consider working with a therapist or counselor to help you navigate the process of integration, journalize and self reflect.

• Increased self-awareness and authenticity
• Healthier and more fulfilling relationships
• Greater personal growth and development

• The Physical Plane is where we live our everyday lives. It's made up of everything we can see, touch, and experience with our five senses. Think of it as the world around you—the trees, buildings, your friends, animals, and even your own body.

• This is the most familiar plane because it’s where we spend most of our time. We eat, play, sleep, and do all our daily activities here. The rules of science, like gravity and time, are at work on this plane.

• When you run in the park or play with your dog, you’re experiencing the Physical Plane.

• The Astral Plane is a bit like a dream world. It’s where our emotions, dreams, and imagination come alive. You can’t see it with your eyes, but it’s there.

• This plane is full of feelings and thoughts. When you dream or have strong emotions, you’re touching the Astral Plane. It's like a world where your mind and emotions can create and experience things.

• When you have a vivid dream about flying or visiting a magical place, you’re exploring the Astral Plane.

• The Mental Plane is where our thoughts and ideas live. It’s like the brain of the planes, where thinking, learning, and understanding happen.

• Here, your thoughts can take shape and become real ideas. It’s like a giant library or computer where all the knowledge and information exist. When you learn something new or solve a problem, you’re using the Mental Plane.

• When you figure out how to solve a tricky math problem or come up with a creative idea for a story, you're working on the Mental Plane.

• The Buddhic Plane is all about love, intuition, and a sense of oneness. It’s where we connect with others on a deeper level and understand things without needing to think about them too much.

• This plane helps us feel deep love and unity with everything around us. It’s where true compassion and insight come from, beyond just what we think or feel. It’s like having a deep understanding of the world and people without needing to analyze it.

• When you feel a strong sense of empathy for someone or suddenly understand something profound about life, you're experiencing the Buddhic Plane.

• The Atmic Plane is the plane of spiritual will and purpose. It’s where we find our true calling and the inner drive that guides us.

• This plane gives us a sense of direction and motivation for our life. It’s like having a compass that shows us our true path. It’s where our deepest goals and the will to achieve them come from.

• When you feel inspired to pursue your dream or know exactly what you want to do in life, you’re tapping into the Atmic Plane.

• The Monadic Plane is where our spirit or soul connects to the greater universe. It’s like the core of our being, where our essence or true self exists.

• On this plane, we understand that we are part of something much bigger than ourselves. It’s where the spark of life and the essence of who we are come from. It’s like being part of a huge cosmic family.

• When you feel deeply connected to nature or the universe, you’re experiencing the Monadic Plane.

• The Logoic Plane is the highest plane, where creation and the source of everything exist. It’s like the blueprint for the universe, where all possibilities and potentials start.

• This plane is the source of all existence. It’s where the big ideas and the fundamental patterns of life come from. It’s like the master plan for everything in the universe.

• Imagine a place where all the stars, planets, and even life itself began. That’s the Logoic Plane.

• When you have a strong emotion (Astral Plane), it can influence your physical body (Physical Plane) by making your heart race.
• When you learn something new (Mental Plane), it can give you a sense of purpose (Atmic Plane) and help you understand the world better (Buddhic Plane).

1.  Timing in Relationships
2. Compatibility vs. Timing
3. How Bad Timing Messes Things Up
   • Career Clashes
   • Living in Different Places
   • Personal Growth and Readiness
4. Emotional Toll of Bad Timing
5. Dealing with Bad Timing
   • Talking and Being Honest
   • Adjusting Expectations
   • Patience and Understanding
   • Focusing on Personal Growth
   • Temporary Fixes
6. Can You Reconnect Later?
7.  Embracing the Journey

• Values and Beliefs: Sharing views on important things like family and what matters most in life.
• Interests and Hobbies: Enjoying the same activities and having fun together.
• Life Goals: Wanting similar things in the future, like where you want to live or what kind of lifestyle you envision.

• Life Stage: Where each of you is in your personal journey.
• External Circumstances: Stuff like job demands or where you live.
• Emotional Readiness: Whether you’re both ready for a serious relationship.

• Career Prioritization: One of you might be super focused on climbing the career ladder, leaving little room for romance.
  Example: Sarah and Tom hit it off at a corporate conference. Sarah was on the verge of making partner at her law firm, while Tom was jet-setting for his multinational company. Despite their connection, Sarah’s 80-hour work weeks and Tom’s constant travel left them with no time for each other.
• Relocation: Big job opportunities in different places can force tough choices.
  Example: Mia and James had just started dating when they graduated. Mia got a fantastic job offer in Silicon Valley, and James landed a role in London. Faced with the daunting prospect of a long-distance relationship, they reluctantly said their goodbyes.
• Work-Life Balance: Crazy work hours and travel can strain your relationship.
  Example: Alex and Nicole were both doctors with grueling schedules. Their demanding jobs meant missed dates and broken plans, and even though they understood each other’s work, the lack of quality time drove them apart.

• Work or Study: Sometimes pursuing your dreams means being far apart.
  Example: Rebecca and Adam fell in love while studying abroad in Spain. But their romance had a ticking clock, as Rebecca headed back to Canada for her job and Adam returned to Australia for his PhD. The distance and time zones made it impossible to keep the flame alive.
• Family Obligations: Responsibilities to family can force you apart.
  Example: Elena and Carlos were solid until Carlos had to move back home to take care of his sick father. Elena was tied to her job and community and couldn’t relocate. The physical separation and Carlos’s family duties made staying together too hard.

• Past Experiences: If you’re still healing from past hurts, it’s tough to start fresh.
  Example: Jack and Lisa hit it off immediately through mutual friends. But Jack was still reeling from a recent divorce. He wasn’t ready to trust again, and despite his feelings for Lisa, he couldn’t fully commit.
• Self-Discovery: Sometimes you’re just figuring out who you are and aren’t ready for a relationship.
  Example: Zoe was on a self-discovery journey, traveling and exploring. She met Max and fell for him, but she wasn’t ready to settle down. They parted, hoping maybe their paths would cross again in the future.
• Mental Health: Your emotional well-being can impact your ability to be in a relationship.
  Example: Ben and Rachel started with amazing chemistry, but Ben’s struggle with depression made it hard for him to be present. Realizing he needed to focus on his mental health, they decided to take a break.

• Regret: Wondering about the opportunities you missed.
  Example: Rachel and Mike had a great connection but were both career-driven. Years later, Rachel found herself wondering what could have been if they’d tried harder to make it work.
• Frustration: Feeling stuck because things didn’t go the way you hoped.
  Example: Josh and Amy met at a wedding and clicked instantly. But Josh had a year-long job abroad starting soon. Despite their strong feelings, they decided not to pursue a relationship, and the “what ifs” haunted Josh the whole year.

• Anxiety: Worrying about how things will turn out.
  Example: Emma and Noah both had demanding careers, and the stress of balancing their jobs and relationship left Emma constantly anxious about their future.
• Sadness: Feeling down about losing a potentially great relationship.
  Example: Laura and David’s relationship was strong, but David had to move abroad for work. Laura felt heartbroken knowing that, under different circumstances, they might have had a future together.

• Insecurity: Wondering if it’s worth the struggle.
  Example: Kelly and Brian were in a long-distance relationship due to Kelly’s job. The uncertainty and distance led Kelly to constantly question if they could make it work.
• Indecision: Struggling to make choices because of timing issues.
  Example: Hannah and Chris couldn’t decide if they should stay together as Hannah prepared for a two-year volunteer project overseas. The indecision and stress made it hard to enjoy their time together.

• Unequal Sacrifice: Feeling like you’re making all the compromises.
  Example: Olivia turned down a job promotion to stay near her boyfriend, Ethan, who couldn’t move because of family obligations. Over time, she started to feel bitter about the sacrifices she made.
• Bitterness: Long-term sacrifices can build up resentment.
  Example: Liam moved cities for his girlfriend, Kate, and took a lower-paying job. Years later, his unaddressed bitterness about the sacrifices led to frequent fights and contributed to their breakup.

• Express Feelings: Talk about your worries and feelings.
  Example: Jennifer and Paul faced timing issues due to career demands. By discussing their concerns openly, they managed to create a plan that supported each other’s career goals while staying connected.
• Listen Actively: Really listen and empathize with your partner’s concerns.
  Example: Alex and Maria had to deal with long-distance due to Maria’s job transfer. Alex made sure to listen and understand Maria’s fears, which helped them stay connected despite the distance.

• Set Realistic Goals: Agree on what’s possible given your situation.
  Example: Laura and Sam were both swamped with grad school. They set realistic goals like weekly check-ins and planned regular weekend visits to keep their relationship strong.
• Flexibility: Be ready to adapt as life changes.
  Example: When Megan had to relocate for work temporarily, she and her boyfriend, Daniel, decided to stay flexible about their long-term plans and focus on maintaining their bond through regular visits and online chats.

• Empathy: Understand that timing issues are often beyond your control.
  Example: Sarah and Michael, both pursuing demanding careers, decided to give each other space and support instead of pressuring each other about the future.
• Patience: Give time for things to align rather than rushing decisions.
  Example: Julia and Alex faced a year-long separation due to Alex’s military deployment. They chose to wait and see how things unfolded, focusing on supporting each other during the separation.

• Self-Improvement: Use the time to work on yourself.
  Example: Lisa and John decided to take a break due to conflicting career schedules. During their time apart, Lisa completed her degree while John started a side business, which ultimately strengthened their relationship when they reconnected.
• Support Each Other: Encourage each other’s growth during this period.
  Example: Ben decided to study abroad, and his girlfriend, Claire, supported him wholeheartedly. They agreed to focus on their growth, knowing it would benefit their relationship in the long run.

• Frequent Visits: Plan regular visits to stay connected.
  Example: Rachel and Tom lived in different cities for work. They scheduled monthly visits and made the most of holidays to spend time together, keeping their bond strong despite the distance.
• Technology: Use video calls and messaging to stay close.
  Example: Jenny and Mark used video calls and messaging apps to keep their connection alive while Mark was on an overseas assignment, scheduling virtual dates to share experiences and stay emotionally connected.

• Positive Closure: End things on good terms to leave room for a future.
  Example: Emma and Jake parted ways due to career conflicts but stayed friends. Their positive closure allowed them to reconnect years later when their circumstances aligned better.
• Stay in Touch: Keep a friendly connection to keep the door open.
  Example: Lauren and David, who broke up due to long-distance, stayed connected through social media. This made it easier to reconnect when they both moved back to the same city.

• Personal Development: Make sure you’ve both addressed past issues.
  Example: Mia and Ethan broke up because of timing issues but spent their time apart working on personal goals. When they reconnected, their growth made them more compatible than before.
• Readiness: Be sure you’re both emotionally ready to reconnect.
  Example: After a year apart, Sarah and Ben reconnected when they both felt ready to commit again, making their second attempt much more successful.

• Changed Priorities: See if your goals and priorities still align.
  Example: Alex and Christine reconnected after years apart but realized their priorities had shifted. Although they cared for each other, they decided to remain friends instead.
• New Circumstances: Consider how life changes affect the relationship.
  Example: Jason and Lily, who broke up due to career relocations, found themselves back in the same city years later. Their changed circumstances gave them a fresh chance to explore their relationship.

• Discuss Intentions: Be clear about your desire to reconnect and what’s changed.
  Example: Tim and Rachel, who ended their relationship because of conflicting schedules, reconnected after realizing they wanted to try again. Clear discussions about their intentions helped them navigate their renewed relationship.
• Set Boundaries: Establish new expectations to avoid past mistakes.
  Example: When Clara and Rob reconnected after a breakup, they set new boundaries about work-life balance to avoid the timing issues that had affected them before.